TRAIT 3: Optimism VS Pessimism

This post is about one of the things that I really like about Americans. Since I moved here I have actively tried to take a leaf out of their book and implement their default appearance of optimism into my own reactions to social situations. It has almost been infectious, and you find yourself playing along without even knowing it. The American optimism is one of my favourite parts of their culture and counter to that, the British pessimism is one of my least favourite parts of our culture. So, what made the day to day mental attitudes so different?

Social Supermarket Politics

In both countries, there is a built in script for generic social situations. To walk you through my thought process, we will use an example scenario to demonstrate.

Scenario: You walk into a shop to buy a few things. You find everything that you are looking for and walk towards the check out. You walk up to the assistant and she begins to put through your items.

(This scenario is something that might happen to you a few times a week, maybe even every day. The conversation that follows is a much generalised one, but I have been involved in both conversations in these exact words at least five times in each country, so I take this from personal experience.)

Here is how the conversation would go if you were in Britain:

Assistant: Hi there

You: Hi

Assistant: How are you today?

You: Fine, thanks.

*Assistant finishes putting through items*

Assistant: That will be ten pounds and forty five pence.

*You pay*

Assistant: Here is your receipt, thanks very much.

You: Thanks.

Here is how the conversation would go if you were in America:

Assistant: Hi there, how are you today?

You: I’m good thanks, how are you?

Assistant: Good thanks!

*Assistant finishes putting through items*

Assistant: That will be Fifteen dollars please

*You pay*

Assistant: Here is your receipt, thank you so much for shopping with us, you have a wonderful day!

You: Thank you, you have a great day too!

Now as you will be able to tell, a lot of the differences are just what we might call manners, such as repaying the assistant’s good wishes and positivity with some of your own. However, there is something to be said that I am the same person in the same situation, with the same manors, but in two different countries I say two different things. There is a feeling of optimism and happiness in America that persuades you to act in the same way. The same is to be said in Britain, there is a no-nonsense feel that persuades you to take the conversation for what it is.

There is also an important note to be made here that cannot be shown in the scenario (aside from the odd exclamation point!) – that is the tone used by both parties in the conversations. In Britain, I find that conversations like this are almost said under the breath, quiet and necessary but in a loose tone and at a normal low pitch. In America, these conversations are said in a high pitched tone which automatically illustrates happiness, optimism and enthusiasm.

The main thing that I understand from the two conversations is that British people seem to not like to admit to happiness if they feel it, and they definitely do not like to say that they are happy if they are not. I always felt that I would be bursting the seams of the accepted tone of the situation if I were to come in to it in an optimistic way – almost as though I would not be playing my part in understanding the pessimistic British outlook on life. It makes sense in the scheme of things, why say that you are doing well when you are not. Instead, we use words such as, “OK”, or, “fine”, to express our dissatisfaction with the day in the nicest possible way, but keeping our chins up and plodding through, like we have always done. You would also use these words if you are indifferent, and feel neither happy nor sad. I suppose we enjoy keeping our feelings to ourselves and see no need in veering off the classic British outlook, things are never brilliant but we struggle through and carry on regardless. I think the famous sign from the war tells it best, Keep Calm And Carry On.

Are you faking it?

The general thought when British people think of the American optimism, is that it is so extreme compared to our automatic mentality that there is no way that it can be real.  I must admit, I used to think the same. I used to see the big smiles and high pitched happiness as being over the top fake and I didn’t think that there was any value in it. After all, they can’t possibly be that happy all of the time, so they must essentially be lying to me when they say that they are. I always wondered why they do that, why they smile so much and why they pretend that everything is wonderful in the world when it clearly isn’t – I am just out to buy some butter because I ran out again, why should I be ecstatically happy about that?

The thing is, when I came to live here, I realised something. I was looking at it the wrong way. They are not pretending to be happy to be creepy or over the top or to be annoying, they are doing it for a reason. I found that reason when I began to do it myself.

To explain to you exactly what I found, we are going to do a little exercise:

Please follow my instructions carefully. Pretend that someone has asked you how you are at the food store, just like in the scenario above. Now answer as follows, “I am fine, thanks.” Do not change your facial expression and do not pay much attention to what you are saying so that the words just roll from your mouth without much thought or effort or enthusiasm.

Now think about how you feel. Do you feel any worse or better than you felt before you began the exercise?

Now imagine yourself in the same situation where someone has just asked you how you are at the food store. Now answer as follows, “I am good thanks, how are you?” Change your facial expression to a smile as you answer, put your head up high, shoulders back and create a higher tone in your voice by putting in enthusiasm and optimism.

Think again about how you feel. This time, do you feel any worse or better than you did before you began the exercise?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is a safe bet to say that you probably felt much happier and optimistic the second time than the first. That is because even though you may be putting on your happiness a little bit, it still makes you feel more positive for doing it. It actually makes you feel more optimistic inside if you act happy, as well as making you seem like a more optimistic person on the outside. It also helps that you can’t say the word ‘good’ without spreading your mouth open in a smile-like manor.

Automatic (not stick)

I think the main point with this is that it is an automatic response for people from both countries to react this way to a circumstance. It may be counteracted and forcefully changed, like many of the other traits that we have talked about in this blog, but I feel that the default response is procured through the environment or culture that each country creates.

It is strange how the scripted responses such as the scenario earlier are acted out so differently in the two countries, and I would imagine that the other country’s response might seem odd to their counterpart. I know exactly how the British people feel about the American response, but I can also imagine how American’s feel about the British response. It must seem strange to them to think that we would be so unhappy and seem so cold. That is exactly what the generalised “British” character is in movies and TV shows – icy cold with a dry sense of humour. Well we are not far from that, in truth, when put against the American’s in general social situations.

Do British people like to be negative for a reason?

It does make me wonder though, why are we like that? It could be said that we are actually more open than the Americans because we do not hide how we feel – if we are not feeling particularly sad or happy then we will appear very unresponsive. It is not our default response to appear happy because in general social situations, we are not overly happy. We would much rather be at home with our family drinking a nice glass of wine than in the middle of this awkward social charade where we play a part.  Again, this is a very generic assumption based on my own inner feelings in these situations and of the majority of the people that I have observed – there are many in Britain that enjoy a nice chat with the assistant at the food store and conduct themselves with a smile and oozing optimism. One of them, in fact, is my grandmother Jean who is always very cheery in social situations, so my apologies to her!

There are many things about the UK that I find to be quite depressing at times, the consistent grey weather is a good example. I know that it is classic British talk to complain about the weather, but I honestly feel that it is impossible to feel cheery and optimistic when all you can see is greyness and rain. Not even normal rain, the slanted rain that gets underneath your coat – the one that is carried heavily on the wind that breaks your umbrella. That is our weather for most of the year. I think that the weather is just one of the many issues that we feel, as British people, we have been given the worst deal in when it comes to culture and country. It is only when you go to other places that you realise just how great our country actually is – but we are very quick to fall back into the national hatred pattern as soon as we settle back in. That may be true for all cultures I suppose, the grass is always greener on the other side, but we British do excel in the skill of feeling sorry for ourselves. Strange really, when the name of our country has ‘Great’ in it…

Is it historical?

As discussed in an earlier blog post, a long time ago some of us Brits decided to pack up shop and travel blind to an unknown and unchartered land. It was probably done for many reasons but I would dare to venture that the main one is that they were fed up of the way that things were in Britain. It is written in the constitution that Americans have the right to the pursuit of happiness because that is essentially what they were doing when they hopped over to the new world – pursuing happiness. It is built into them that this is their dream land – something that they fight for and a place where they are personally free and independent. Could this in built feeling of success in finding their dream land full of liberty and happiness be the reason for what we Brits see as “overly happy” pretences in social situations? Could it be that they won the war for their happiness and now, on the other side of it, it has been passed down the generations to subconsciously feel the need to express their happiness socially so that the sacrifice wasn’t all for nothing?

We Brits are constantly complaining about things in our country, we are actually quite famous for it, but why do you think that is? As much as we complain, we have put up with a lot in our country in the past. It has been taken over countless times by many different civilizations so we have so much foreign influence in our blood that we couldn’t really know how much of it is actually British. We used to own so much of the world, then they all decided to leave us one by one to become independent countries – leaving us as a tiny little island that you can barely see on the map unless you squint. We get floods and rain and floods and rain and it seems that the only thing that people know about us from the outside is the luxury of having tea with the queen, and around 99.9% of us haven’t even done that! My point is, we put up with it. That’s what we are good at. There is a reason that so many nations have left our sad little bosom, and that is because we do tend to do lots of things wrong. The thing is though, the people that are left and haven’t deserted Britain – our ancestors – are the ones who have stuck it out. I can say with all certainty that they complained like hell along the way, but when push comes to shove, they stayed. That’s what we are descended from – survivors. Tough cookies. We know that things are not great, we know that life is hard, but we stick at it non-the-less. Could this be why we don’t like to put a face on when we are in a social situation like in the supermarket? We are all survivors. We all know what the deal with life is and so our default reaction is to just plod on, not unhappy but not ecstatic either. We just say that we are fine and we get on with our day.

Is it just me…?

I don’t mean Miranda Hart’s hilarious book, “Is it just me…?” (If you haven’t yet read it, you really should, it will make you snort out loud – even if you don’t snort!). I wanted to find out if this is something that I am alone in thinking about Britain and the US, or if there is any truth to it. I also wanted to find out other people’s thoughts on why their automatic response is what it is, and how they feel about the other countries automatic response in comparison to their own. So, I sent out a questionnaire to a set of Brits and a set of Americans, and here is what I found:

When asked the general opinions that American people have about British people, and vice versa, the results were generally as I expected. I will be touching on some of the other impressions that were mentioned in another blog, but for the interest of this subject, I would like to concentrate on the relevant impressions that the selected answerers have.

The Americans that were asked, used words such as “formal”, “cold”, “serious”, “unaffectionate”, and “reserved” to describe the British people. These answers make me think about how our natural inbuilt pessimism comes across to the Americans – them being such an extreme example of the opposite. The British answers enforced this, with the words, “amusing”, “annoying”, “fake” and, “awkward”, describing the general view of the Americans. We just find it difficult to comprehend the go-to positivity, which seems to us to be fake simply because we know that there is no world where people can always be that optimistic. We simply do not see it to be very realistic. The interesting thing is that from the American answers, I get the feeling that it is not about showing your optimism – instead it is more about not showing your pessimism. Showing your true feelings or showing your discontent with something is more revealing to them and more open than just pretending that everything is fine. From the answers, I found that they feel as though they don’t want everyone to know their business, so instead they play a role in a social situation to almost create a perfect world. British people, it seems, do the opposite. There is an unsaid understanding that the world isn’t perfect and it is automatically understood in a social situation – almost a role to play in the opposite way. If someone in Britain went around happy and optimistic it would feel different, and might click the situation out of the normal scripted socially accepted role play.

The general view of the American answerers was that it is polite to have a conversation with the assistant in a store, and to not do so would be strange. The British answerers generally said that they try to remember to have a conversation with them but will not usually find themselves doing so automatically – they also stated their awareness that others in Britain do not carry out a conversation in a social situation, so they like to do it to make up for their fellow Britons. The British people also said that it is polite to only say hi or hello, and that you are either in the mood for the conversation or you are not, but either way you will usually stick to the script which has pessimistic undertones. Americans always carry on the conversation, without fail, and it will always automatically have optimistic undertones, even if you are not really in the mood.

I would also like to point out that, although I know far more British people than I do Americans, I had double the amount of American responses to the questionnaire than I did British. Is it stretching it too much to suggest that Americans are more comfortable about talking about their opinions and feelings than British people – so the British will put off the questionnaire even though I am sure that they had every intention of answering it? Maybe approaching that subject is for a different blog post, but if there is some truth to it, you can understand our issues with being openly optimistic if we find it hard to be open about our opinions in the first place.

Next time…

So, I hope that you are finding my little rants entertaining and not taking me too seriously – after all, I am speaking mainly from personal experience here by looking at how I view the world. I am glad to have you with me on my quest for cultural understanding! Next time I am going to look at how the two countries appreciate their history. See you then!